Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
