Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
honey bunches of taint.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
