My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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