How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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