he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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