I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize