it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
