six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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