Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm having to shit out rocks
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
