bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
