just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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