I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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