So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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