so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize