well I can't set my house on fire every night
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
