you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
