OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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