Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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