____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
