hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
