I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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