Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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