I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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