wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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