yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
