you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
