you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
