Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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