turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
