my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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