Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
