wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
