I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
