I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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