Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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