you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
