If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize