You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
