Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
