It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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