We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
