so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
