he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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