So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
