You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
