I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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