your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Please, let me fuck your mom
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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