On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
