I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My bed smells like the plague
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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