Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
