well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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