Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
