I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
