I want to walk on stilts...naked
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
