He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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