1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
