if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
