Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Drake has all the answers
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
