he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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